waiting

April 4 is the date on the last post I wrote. Wow. Only 3 months have passed, but feels like a lifetime.

I'm back in Canada now, as anybody who knows me will know by now! And although I've been back for 2 months I'm feeling the need to do what should be (but might not be) a final installment on this blog, which was intended to be all about my life and ministry and adventures in the 3 years I spent in Ecuador. By rights this should have been written long before this, but.... well.... it wasn't. That last month there passed by in a blur of activity and heat and "lasts" (last time to do this or that, last time to go here or there) and goodbyes. And recovering from a crazy final couple of weeks of camp. My daughter Kathryn came down mid April to help me with the packing up of my life in Guayaquil and give me moral support as I said all those difficult goodbyes. And make sure I actually got on that plane! There were goodbye lunches, and get-togethers. I seemed to do much of my grieving over leaving in February for some reason, and by the time I got to the last weeks I had arrived at a very helpful anesthetized state, and tears were mostly left in storage until I got to the airport. The pace picked up dramatically in the last week before departure day, as I did the sorting and distributing of household stuff which was staying, and packing of stuff that was going. And just when it was all good and busy, first Janna, then Nikki came down with dengue fever. Really, I think it was a ploy to get me to stay - get sick and the nurse will change her mind about leaving. Just a theory. No, I'm kidding, of course, it was a fiendish little mosquito.
But somehow it all got done and on April 28 I boarded that plane and through tears said "goodbye for now" to the dirty hot crazy beloved city that was my home for 3 years.

And so back to Canada, to begin my "re-entry" to the North American way of life. Oh, but it was not to be. Within 24 hours of arriving I too got sick with dengue, and for the next 2 weeks was sicker than I've ever been in my life. If there's one way to avoid dealing with the adjustment, it's to retreat to the hospital in a morphine-induced fog! It's been a long gradual recovery, a lot of fatigue to deal with, but I think I'm finally over it, and in a way it's been good - it's been an enforced rest time, time to recover from the incredibly busy and stressful final weeks in Ecuador, and a chance to dwell in a little bubble of being neither here nor there. Also I've been able to spend wonderful time with my family, catching up on lost time. And especially precious times with my grandchildren, getting to know them in person. Grandma Ecuador is finally a person who can dispense hugs and kisses, instead of being a face on a computer screen.

However, this is definitely a strange time, between lives. I'm glad to be here, having a Canadian summer, seeing my family, catching up on crusty bread, and real cheese, and all kinds of other food that couldn't be found in Ecuador (well, I had to get weight back on me after being sick, you know!!). I'm loving the quiet, and safety, and the clean cool air. But I'm missing my life there, and my buddies and my community of Bastion Popular, and my grubby little cement house. (and my hammock!!) I go for walks here and there aren't any little kids to come running, hollering my name, to give and get big hugs. Nobody invites me in for large plates of rice and glasses of "cola". It's a funny place to be in, missing there when I'm here, missing here when I'm there. That's the problem with having one's heart divided between two lands.

I don't know what lies ahead, I don't have a job yet, and am not sure exactly what to pursue. There are days when I'm impatient to know what the next step is and to move forward, but the next step is not clear, and my sense is that God is telling me to wait. He will show me what direction to go in, in His time. And just as I know He led me to Ecuador, I know He led me back and has work for me to do here and will lead me forward when the time is right.

I truly feel that I was blessed to have been allowed this time in Ecuador, it was an incredible gift to me that I feel so privileged to have been given. It wasn't always easy, but it was a blessing. Every bit of it.

Wow, I just saw the date on the last post I did - 2 months ago. So much has gone on in those 2 months that it feels more like 6 months. So much that I hardly know where to begin. The big picture is that camp occupied much of those 2 months, the better part of 5 weeks over Feb and March. We had 1 camp for junior youth from Bastion and 1 for the youth from Arenal and Playas, our camp community. And 1 week each for children from both those places. Plus a retreat for senior youth and young leaders from Bastion. There were many memories created in each of those weeks, lots of happy times. I especially treasured those times this year as I was able to spend days with those I'll soon have to say goodbye to. That thought always lurking in the back of my head made the days somewhat bittersweet, but I'm so thankful for those weeks. So much has happened that I've had to go back over my (many) pictures to remind myself of some of the happy days.
One of the highlights for me was the 4 days we spent in Balsapamba, a little ways into the mountains, on the retreat for our older ones. It was a very different experience for me, my usual camp role was gone because we weren't in our own camp. No meals to help with, no dishwashing, minimal medical stuff. They even made me be on a team, although I was a somewhat halfhearted participant, not being much use with soccer or games that involve running or jumping, or much else really. But there I was, a member of the Azul team!

But what made this time so good for me was being there with so many who I have known since they were very young, they have grown up into young adults, many of whom are in leadership roles in the churches and camp. Those 4 days were an opportunity for them to relax, not have to be leaders, and hear some very valuable teaching on God's love, presented to them in a way they may not have heard before. And to laugh and have fun. Such fun, those adults all became kids again for those 4 days, and the simplest activity became a reason to laugh. It gave me such a charge to sit by and watch it all. Does anyone have a sense of humour like this bunch?? I doubt it. There was a pool there, and at first I thought - "A pool. Humph. We're used to the beach and the ocean, what fun is a little pool?" Well, I'm here to tell you that this gang had more fun in and around that pool that I ever dreamed possible. I sat on my perch on a rock beside that pool and laughed more than I have in a long time.

We went for a hike one afternoon, and ended up at the bottom of a waterfall. Well, what are you going to do? Go into that freezing water, of course. God provided it as a reason for more fun, so let's go!

So as I take this chance to look back beyond the events of the last few stressful weeks, and remember that 4 days, I'm very thankful I was able to be there for them.

The final 2 weeks of camp were for the children, and as always it gave me such joy to see those kids at camp, at the beach. There was a lot going on in those weeks, but that's another post! As I look back over these 2 months, I see how God blessed us and cared for us, in so many ways.

Christmas in Hope of Bastion school

I'm backtracking a bit, going back to Christmas, but I just wanted to share an aspect of the celebrations here that so many Canadians (and others) are a part of.

Every year, on the last day of school before Christmas, there is a party for everyone. And it is a party! It starts off with a program in the gym, where the kids all sit patiently, or not, waiting for the main event. Which is where they go to their classes and out comes the food - chicken,  rice, potatoes (as it's Christmas),  pop, cake. Yes, it's a little overbalanced by the carbohydrates, thus is life here. But of course, what they're really waiting for is Santa - "Papa Noel". And in due course, Felipe gets his gear on, and makes his way from class to class carrying his bag of presents. It's so much fun to watch the kids' faces as he appears and see the little ones inspecting him from various angles and deciding that it's Felipe. Really, the outfit, especially the beard, has seen better days and it doesn't require much investigating to figure it out! Then the kids are called up one by one and given their gift. The gifts are made possible by the sponsors, who send extra funds each year and Nikki goes out on a very big shopping trip! The presents are carefully chosen for each class, and may very well be the only gift that some kids receive at Christmas. Some kids don't have sponsors, but of course still get a gift.

But there is something that I've noticed and has really struck me. Almost better than the gift is the letter that comes from their sponsor (if they have one, and if the sponsor sends a letter). MANY of the kids will receive their bag and before even looking at the gift will pull out the envelope from the sponsor, and read the letter and look at any photos that may be enclosed. The photos will be passed around to their friends to see, and the letter painstakingly read. If they're not good readers yet, they'll ask me to read it to them. They'll spend ages looking at the photos that come, maybe of the sponsor, of the sponsor's family, of Canada.

Then it's all very carefully folded back up and put in the envelope to take home. This communication from their sponsor, who in most cases is someone they've never met and most likely never will, is SO important. I've been to homes where every letter and every photo that has ever come is carefully stashed, and they'll pull out the box or envelope or album and show them to me. They are treasured possessions, and will last long after the gift has been lost or broken or used up.

It's been a weird week.
3 years ago, I bought my first ever one way ticket. Toronto to Guayaquil, Feb 6, 2008. (Although due to snowstorms and volcanos, I didn't actually set foot in Ecuador until Feb 8, but that story has already been told!) This week I bought another one way ticket, Guayaquil to Toronto, April 28, 2011. And although this has been talked about, prayed about, and been in my thoughts for many months, buying that ticket and booking that flight made it suddenly real. My time in Ecuador is coming to an end. And I can hardly believe it. Both that I've been here 3 years, and that it's over. When I came I was committed to no less than 1 year, but with no real idea as to how long I would be here. I always said that God would make it clear to me when it was time to return to Canada. And over the last year, that's what He has been doing - putting the idea in my head, giving me little nudges, and eventually making it clear. It's time to go back. 

I have very mixed feelings about it all, it's all rather bittersweet. I'm headed home to my family, including 2 precious grandchildren who mostly know me as a face on the computer screen. Home to the familiar, or at least what used to be familiar, after 3 years it all seems a lot less so. Home to what looks to me like a quiet, clean, orderly, and COOL world, where I don't have to struggle to understand and make myself understood. But I'll be leaving so much behind too. A lot of frustrations, life in South America seems to be full of them. The heat, the noise, the chaos, the dirt. And.... many wonderful friends, of all ages, who tell me that they're my family too. Established relationships that have deepened over the time I've been living here, and new ones with people I didn't know before I came to stay. People I've laughed with - so many good laughs! And cried with too. People I've talked to, and listened to. I've seen kids in our school growing up, kids change a lot in 3 years. And it's been such a privilege to be here to see the 2 kids I've sponsored since kindergarten growing up. Ronald, who graduated to high school 2 years ago, and Genesis who will graduate this week at the top of her class, and is becoming a fine young lady. And I'll be leaving behind the best huggers on the planet. When I get back to Burlington, who's going to come running as I walk through the streets - "Heather" ('Jeder' with the unique way of saying that!) and throw little arms around me?! And who is going to care for my patients? Well, the answer to that one is God, who loves those people better than I ever could, and will look after them in ways that I can't imagine.

I am headed back to a life filled with unknowns. A slightly scary prospect. But 3 years ago I arrived here to a life that was also filled with many many unknowns, at the direction of a God who I know loves me, and will never leave me, nor did He. And that same God is taking me back to this next phase of life, and I know I can trust Him.  And my prayer is that He will use me in a special way in the 3 months that I have left in this wonderful little country called Ecuador.